Not Knowing, Never Seeing
by Tai Chick
Summary: Jou's got a problem and he isn't dealing with it in a good way, can his friends help him before he does himself perminent damage?


Hey guys! Guess what! I have a deep confession to make...something I've never told anyone before...I don't own Digimon! Impossible you say? Yes, I know, but you all need to get out of denial and accept the fact that it is owned by Toei Animation...that's all I have to say...thank you. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Jou ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door. 

He was furious. 

So what if he didn't score perfectly on some stupid test, he's done his best, which wasn't bad, but certain people couldn't see that. 

So what if he didn't get home exactly on time, he was only a few minutes late, and as it was he had never said when he was going to be back anyway. 

The worst part of it was, something like this happened every single day. 

Why did his parents expect him to be perfect? Why couldn't he ever mess up and have his parents understand? Why? Why? Why? 

Jou's breath was ragged and he couldn't see straight. His pulse was racing and he was literally seeing red. What was happening to him? 

"I can't deal with this anymore!" he screamed to no one. "Screw it! Screw everything! I don't care anymore!" 

Carefully, not making a sound he crept out of his room and into the bathroom, there he opened the medicine cabinet and selected a bottle. He took it back to his room. 

Next he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. He slid the silverware draw and pulled out a sharp knife. 

"Jou! What are you doing?" Shin's voice came from the next room. 

Jou panicked. "I'm getting a snack!" he called back as an excuse. 

Shin must have bought the statement because he didn't say anything else. Jou let out the breath he had been holding and walked up the stairs and back into his room. 

He put the knife on the bed and picked up the bottle. Sliding two pills out he swallowed them dry. 'That should take care of the after pain.' he thought. 

Jou took the knife in his right hand and put it up to his fore arm, making a small slice. 

The pain was incredible. But...suprisingly enough he felt better. His frustrations had lessened. He cut his arm again...a little bigger this time...and yet again... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

It was one month later. After Jou had put the knife down that night he swore he would never do it again. It hurt! God, you see people talking about it on TV but you never know how irritating it really is. Jou used ice to freeze his arm to keep it from hurting. But yet, nothing had ever made him feel better than cutting had... 

And Jou's frustration was growing again. 

It was nearly unbearable. He had stopped doing his school work and was almost failing math. He didn't care. Nothing mattered...nothing... 

"Jou? Are you all right?" Koushirou asked him one day at lunch. 

"Fine." Jou snapped, taking a bite of his sandwich. He had become extremely irritable lately. 

"It's just you seem kinda out of it and upset." Koushirou continued ignoring Jou's mood. 

"I told you I'm fine!" Jou took the remainder of his sandwich and put it in his lunch bag, crumpling the whole thing up and throwing in into the trash. He stomped away. 

Later that night. When his family was asleep, he opened his desk draw and pulled out the knife he had been hiding for so long...it still had stains of blood... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Things were getting worse. Jou now had to use the knife every night. But now it didn't ease his frustrations...it was more of an obsession, an addiction. 

Jou was talking to Yamato. They were both at a party of Koushirou's. But the conversation had broken into more of an argument than anything else. Jou told Yamato off and walked up the stairs to Koushirou's room in a huff. Yamato just stood there with his mouth hanging open. 

"What was that all about?" Koushirou asked coming up behind Yamato. 

"I...I don't know.I didn't do anything!" He protested. he hadn't meant anything he said seriously...it was only a joke. 

Sensing tension the other Digidestined moved in. 

"He has been extremely irritable and sensitive lately." Koushirou observed. 

"I think something's wrong with him." Sora stated. 

"No duh." Taichi said. 

"You think maybe he can't deal with the pressure his parents put on him?" Yamato questioned, mostly to himself. 

"That's a definite possibility." Koushirou stated. 

"We should tell him that we care about him and we think he's doing just fine." Takeru suggested. 

"That's a great idea." Hikari chimed in. 

Just then all the digidestines heard a yell from upstairs..." Koushirou!"...it was Jou's voice...and a bang, like a body falling. 

Looks of horror crossed each of their faces as they sprinted up the stairs with Koushirou in the lead... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Jou marched up the stairs to Koushirou's room, but not before grabbing a bottle of pain killer and his knife. This was it, he was going to end it now. 

He popped ten of the pain killer and sat on Koushirou's bed. Life just wasn't worth living anymore. His mind was swimming. Taking his knife, he put it up to his wrist...a spot he swore never to touch... 

"Jou? Oh Jou, what are you doing?" I voice asked from the window sill. 

Jou spun around. It couldn't be. "Gomamon?" he asked. 

Gomamon continued to look at the knife. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" 

Jou dropped his hand. "What does it matter? I'm not good enough for anything, it's not like anyone cares anyway." 

"Do you really believe that?" 

He hung his head and began to cry. He couldn't think, the medicine was affecting his brain. "No...I don't. But I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone's mad at me because I've been so awful." 

"Jou all you need to do is ask for help, but you need to do it now." 

Jou stood up to go downstairs, but as soon as his feet hit the floor he wasn't going to make it. "Gomamon, help me." he whispered. 

"I won't leave you I promise." Gomamon said. 

Jou took a deep breath trying to steady himself , it didn't work. Using the last of his energy he let out a yell. "Koushirou!" then his head hit the ground. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Jou!" Koushirou yelled they first on in the room. 

"Oh my God! Someone call an ambulance!" Mimi shrieked. 

Taichi dashed back down the stairs with Yamato at his heals. 

Koushirou looked at his friend sprawled on the floor and his eyes filled with tears. He slumped to the floor and pulled Jou's head into his lap. "Oh Jou." he moaned. "Why didn't you say that it was so bad? Why didn't you accept my help?" Two tears fell onto Jou's cheek. His breath was ragged. It slowed...and slowed...and stopped. 

Koushirou's eyes held a look of disbelief as Jou lay dead in his arms. "No." he whispered. 

Yamato and Taichi came quickly up the stairs and face a sobbing Koushirou. Taichi fell to his knees and Yamato placed his arms on him. "Oh god." he whispered. The sound of an ambulance could be heard in the background. 

"Come Koushirou." Mimi said soothingly. "Let's go let the paramedics in." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Jou opened his eyes and pain shot up though his head. He moaned. What had happened? Where was he? Everything slowly came back to him. He realized he was in a hospital room, Shin was at his side. 

"Gomamon?" Jou questioned. 

Shin jumped up. "Jou! You're awake!" 

"Gomamon." Jou said again. 

"Gomamon? You're Digimon? I think you were trippinô he was never with you. 

Jou shook his head, inflicting more pain. He froze. "Maybe not, but he was with me in my mind." 

Shin had small tears in his eyes. "Jou, why'd you do it?" 

"I couldn't deal with it anymore...life...Dad, and Mom, they made me fell so...so..." 

"Inferior?" 

Jou began to bawl. "I'm sorry! I...didn't know how...to make...the pain...go away." 

Shin held his little brother until the tears stopped. "Dad and Mom are out of town, I haven't gotten a hold of them yet...but now that you're awake I'll call your friends...starting with Koushirou." 

Jou looked at his brother, he knew there was something more. 

"They all think you're dead." 

Jou sucked in a breath. Had he really been that out of it? Wad his best friend in the entire world crying himself to sleep because of him? Jou looked out the window, it was very dark. "What time is it?" 

Shin looked at his watch. "Exactly two AM." 

Jou nodded, and Shin left the room. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Koushirou turned around in his bed, he hadn't slept a wink all night. After informing his parents what had happened he retreated to his room and hadn't left. 

He glanced at his clock, it was a quarter past two. His best friend in the entire world had been dead for almost five hours. It was that instant he heard his parents came into his room. 

"Koushirou, Koushirou wake up." his mother said shaking him. 

"I was never asleep." he said miserably. 

"Shin just called from the hospital...Jou just woke up." 

Koushirou sat bolt upright in bed. "You mean Jou's ALIVE!" he screeched. 

His father nodded, "We're going to take you to the hospital right away to see him." 

"He better be alive." Koushirou said angrily. "because I'm going to kill him!" He jumped out of bed throwing the covers off him, pulled his clothes on and dashed out to the car. 

His parents just looked at each other. 

Koushirou refused to wait for the elevator, he dashed up the four flights of stairs and into his best friend's room. 

"Jou!" he cried as he ran into his arms they both held each other and cried. 

"K-k-koushirou...I-I've done a horrible thing." Jou sobbed. 

"What did you do my friend?" Koushirou asked soothingly, letting his friend speak as he needed to. 

"Jou pulled up his sleeve and showed Koushirou his cut up arm. "I'm sorry." Jou whispered. 

"It's okay, it'll be okay. I promise." and Koushirou held his friend once more. 


End file.
